This week, holy week, I've been trying read and meditate on scriptures that focus on Jesus's last week before his crucifixion. Today, something else caught my eye as I turned the pages of my Bible, but in every way it so perfectly relates to this week, Jesus's purpose in coming and dying, and to thoughts I've been sharing and discussing with friends lately.

Luke 14:25-33 are verses that are probably familiar to most of us. Let me try to share a bit of this, and some of Matthew Henry's commentary on these verses, along with some interesting points that Bob Burney made on these verses at a marriage conference I recently attended.

  Luke 14:26 If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father 

and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters,

 yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.

 Matthew Henry states, "Christ's disciples must be willing to forsake that which was very dear, rather than forsake their interest in Christ. He is not sincere, he will not be constant and persevering unless he loves Christ better than anything in this world--even his own life.Man can look on houses and lands with contempt, but every good man loves his relatives; and yet if he becomes a disciple of Christ, he must comparatively hate them. Not that their persons must be in any degree hated, but our comfort and satisfaction in them must be lost and swallowed up in our love for Christ. When our duty to our parents comes into competition with our evident duty to Christ, we must give Christ the preference. Every man loves his own life, no man ever yet hated it; and we cannot be Christ's disciples if we do not love him better than our own lives." (than our SELF). 

Simply said: If you put anyone above me, you can not be my disciple. 

Luke 14:27 Whoever does not 

bear his own cross and come after me

cannot be my disciple.

Bob Burney commented on this and said that we as Christians often focus on this phrase "bear our cross" too much. We forget that crosses weren't meant to be carried around, they were made for crucifixion. Crosses are meant to die on, not carry around. We need to deny our selves, die to our selves daily (Luke 9:23) and follow Christ. 

Luke 14:33 So therefore, any one of you who does not 

renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple. 

Bob went on to say the obvious: A crucified (dead) person has no rights. 

Why can't I remember that with every breath? Die to myself. My SELF is so strong...and so selfish...it must be denied, crucified. When, I die to myself, just as Jesus did, I give up my rights and am able to truly love others as He loved me, and serve others as he served. It kind of goes in a circle:

Die to self:  love one another as Christ loved us:  serve others  (repeat)

Well, I don't know if that makes any sense. It made sense to me this morning when I was struggling with dying to myself and giving up my rights. When we die to ourselves and give up our rights, and truly let the Lord reign on the throne of our hearts, then we will begin to bear fruit. 

John 12:24 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat 

falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone;

 but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

Here are some good verses to remind us about dying to ourselves. 

Here is an excellent sermon by John Piper on "As I Have Loved You, Love One Another". It fits right in with Holy Week readings too. (if you read this whole post and couldn't follow my train of thinking, then at least listen to this sermon, it will make it up to you)...really this is a good message that spurred me to dig into certain scriptures for myself as it shed light on things I had previously misunderstood. 

Multitude Monday

359. Resurrection

So much can be said on this topic. The excitement of life to begin with, the nurturing of that life and enjoyment of it, and then seeing it slip from your hands. Life beginning to fade. The hopelessness and despair and finality of death. What would we do if there was NO hope? Where would we be if Christ had not risen form the dead? I don't know where I would be. I am in no way qualified to speak here in great details on the matters of life and death. What do I know; what I have I experienced in comparison to so many others? Very little, is the answer. I have but a few small treasures to hold out in my hand for you in regards to this subject. Like a little child with a small and fragile bouquet of wildflowers picked from her city backyard. Cherished treasures nonetheless.

We had a plant growing on the east side of our house when since we've moved here six years ago now. In the spring, it grows beautiful long slender green leaves. The rounded ends sprout out of the ground in a majestic show. A welcome sight in early spring. Suddenly, one day they began to wilt and die. Tyson carefully watered and cared for them, but it was all in vain. Our beautiful plant despite all our efforts wilted into a pile of brown limp leaves. Months passed and new flowers and plants sprang up. We forgot about our plant as all that remained in its place was bare ground, no signs of life whatsoever. Then, in late summer, to our utter amazement, tall slender stalks began to grow, holding at the top a crown of flower buds, a royal promise. Yes, they bloomed. Beautiful soft pink halo of flowers, delicate yet majestic, rising above all other plants around it. A sight to treasure. I don't know much about plants, but I believe that there are many plants that fit this category of "resurrection" plants. They grow and then seem to die off only to give way to beautiful flowers. They remind me of so many verses. I am so thankful for resurrection and the hope and joy that is securely held in the promise of our future resurrection in Christ.

Some scripture to meditate on:

John 11:25, 26a "Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die."


John 12:24, 25 "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

Romans 14:9 "For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living."


Romans 8:24-25 "For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."


2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

2 Corinthians 5:7 "for we walk by faith, not by sight."


Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

A poem to ponder:


Hope and Joy by Christina Rossetti
If hope grew on a bush, 
And joy grew on a tree, 
What a nosegay for the plucking
There would be!
But oh, in windy autumn
When frail flowers wither, 
What should we do for hope and joy, 
Fading together?

Perfectionism?

Are  you a perfectionist? Am I? I'm afraid to answer that question...probably because I wouldn't answer it perfectly. :)  Do I expect my kids to be perfect? I think sometimes I do. Where did I ever get the notion that I would have kids who obeyed me perfectly? Where did I ever get the idea that I would be able to train them to obey immediately and perfectly? Do I really believe that? I think that sometimes I do. Why else do I get so frustrated and upset when they don't? 

Now, obedience is important! I DO believe we need to train and teach our children. However, I know for myself, somewhere along the way, my mind, my heart, tends to lose focus of what the real goal is. Instead of training them and leading their hearts to see the Lord in everything, I slip and want them to be perfect...to make it easier for me. Instead of seeing their mistakes and sins as great teaching and learning opportunities, I sigh at the inconvenience it is going to cause me. I'm tempted to throw in some explanations and cover-ups, lest I really make myself sound THAT bad, but then I'm reminded. I am sinful. Sin is ugly. 

There are a LOT of parenting books out there. I don't want to mention any of them because I know my focus is to focus too much on this book or that book and lose the bigger picture. However, I do want to give credit to the person where the idea for this helpful chart came from. While I never read his book, our Sunday School class went through a DVD series on the book, Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Trip. (And actually you can buy DVD's of the teaching on Amazon!) Anyway, as the title suggests, a lot of the focus here is on the child's heart. So many times we try to only deal with the behavior. Ted talks about how you can't just put good fruit on a bad tree and expect that to make a difference, inside, the tree is still bad. 

So, I made this chart to hang up in our room...a nice private place where a lot of our discipline and training talks can happen without embarrassment. These are charts that Tedd used in the videos. 

At first, I mostly used this chart with Lucy and Jude, but now, it is really hitting home with Mayme. Even, if I just remind her and ask her where her heart is, is it clean or is she sinning, a light goes on in her head (sometimes). Sometimes, she even runs to the piece of paper and tells me where she is on it. 

This first part, explains that when we have sin in our heart, we will consequently behave badly. When our heart is clean, right with the Lord, free of sin, our behavior will reflect that as well. Now, notice that you can't immediately go from bad behavior to good behavior, or from good to bad. You have to go up through the heart, and even through the cross. You make a decision of what you will do with Christ. 

The bottom of the chart explains Ephesians 6:1 and Deuteronomy 5:16. When, the child is in the circle of honoring and obeying, he is safe. When he chooses to disobey and step out of that circle, he is in danger. 

Genesis 4:7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” And my role as a parent is to keep my child safe and bring them back into the circle. 

If you want further explanations of how I use these charts, you can contact me. They are pretty self-explanatory, which is the point, even our 3 year old understands them. Sometimes she even tries to tell stories about them and change their meaning. :) haha This is one thing I don't want her to confuse though, so I straighten the story out and she finishes it correctly. And of course, it is a good reminder for me as well. Where is my heart? Where is your heart? 

Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 23:19 Hear, my son, and be wise, and direct your heart in the way.

I didn't mean to upload this picture, it just was there. :) What a good reminder. Have fun and enjoy those kids! They are just kids. It is not my job to make them perfect people,
but to help shepherd their hearts and direct them to their Shepherd.

Oh yeah, one more thing...going back to the perfectionist thing. (How's that for a summary statement? :)
God, who we all agree is the ONLY perfect parent, has children who go astray and rebel against him.

Isaiah 1:2 Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth;
for the LORD has spoken:
“Children^a have I reared and brought up,
but they have rebelled against me.

So why would I think I could do a better job and expect my children to behave perfectly? This is a good reminder to go back to the heart of the issue. Lord, where is my heart?

March Forth!

I may not have been posting about this lately (crazy schedule!) but believe me I have been studying and clinging to these verses. And now, mid March, I need them even more! Here are a couple more verses.

Psalm 37:3
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. 

Isaiah 7: 9b
If you are not firm in faith,
you will not be firm at all.

If you read these verses in context, you will find many other verses that you'll want to tape up around your house! Here is one:

Isaiah 7:4
Be careful, be quiet, do not fear,
and do not let your heart be faint.

That's all I'm going to say about that. :) I hope you have some time to study God's Word today. You won't be disappointed.

March Forth!

Tyson, you knew this was coming didn't you? He's been telling me for a few days that I needed to listen to track 8 of volume 1 of James MacDonald's Daily Drive CD. Well, today after a good workout, I did. Here are some highlights:
This is how to handle a hard time- trust in the Lord, do good, stay put.
Keep doing the right thing
FEED on faithfulness
Do everything you can to be faithful
Make faithfulness your goal
your pursuit
your satisfaction
if I was faithful for another day, that is good
more than your satisfaction,
make faithfulness your admiration!
I admire faithful people.

Faithfulness is hard! The Lord allowed me to exercise that muscle yesterday. I should have expected it, right!? Exercise, working out, is hard. We rarely enjoy it...until it is over...and then...it feels so good! To have done it, to  have done it faithfully. I've been trying to exercise every morning. I'm getting to the point where I don't really want to get up and do it anymore. I've had some success with it and that feels good, so I can take a little break now, right? Each new day that I get up and force myself to endure that workout, to push my weary body on for one more day, I'm met with reward, with satisfaction. Faithfulness is good and satisfying. What a great reminder MacDonald gives us to keep Marching Forth in the Lord, to be faithful. You know, maybe I'm strange, but I kind of like tests. I always have. I remember in school...didn't like the homework so much, but when the test came, I was ready to see how much I really knew. I don't want to repeat those tests now because I think I've forgotten just about everything. I still in many ways however enjoy tests. Don't get me wrong, they are HARD, they are not fun. I cry a lot. I fail many. But, in the end, it feels so good! To bear through it with the Lord, to commune with Him in the hardest and darkest times, to allow Him to prove to us His faithfulness and His goodness. He is good. Afterwards, I look back at each test, each hard and difficult time, and thank the Lord for it, for growing me, for loving me enough to not leave me where I am. He loves me just as I am, but He also loves me enough to not leave me there. Thank you Lord! Let's see how well, I can be faithful and endure another night with a fussy baby who wants to wake up and eat way too often for a tired Momma. Maybe I'll have a better attitude with this perspective.

I was going to try not to add words, to simply state the next scripture, but I see that the Lord has plans to teach me through this. What was I thinking? I'm always too excited to share what He teaches me...how can I stay quiet? Next verse:

Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.  1 Timothy 6:12

March Forth!

This picture has little to do with the subject of this post. It's just cute!

March, for me, is one of the longest months. We usually get sick and are couped up inside for weeks as we take turns being sick. Yet, the temperatures slowly warm, the snow slowly melts.  I welcome the end of the month with much joy because it means spring and the celebration of two very special people's birthdays! Still, it can be a tough month to endure. I try to mentally prepare for it each year, especially these more recent years when I have to share cabin fever right along with many little ones. So, a couple days ago, the Lord gave me the idea to focus on growing my faith day by day through this month by studying and meditating on what He says about faith. I'm really excited. I quickly began looking for verses related to "faith".

I don't know how frequently I'll share these verses, maybe one every other day or so. I also don't promise that they will all solely speak about faith...I'm sure that once I get going, it will be hard to limit it to just faith (I'll want to include hope and joy and other things). We'll see. I'm going to try to keep it brief though, focusing on the scripture alone, not a lot of explanation if any at all.  :)  Simply and encouragement to keep the Faith to the end! Also, if you have a verse that you find encouraging in regards to this subject or want me to share, let me know!

Oh, one more thing. Have you ever realized that there is one day of the year that is a command? March Fourth! :) Kind of neat huh? I read an article about that in a family magazine a few years ago. This one family celebrates that day together every year to rejoice at what milestones they reached that year and to set goals for the next year and focus on Marching forth! :) AND since this year, March 4th is on a Friday, Tyson decided that is something that our church should celebrate. So, Friday night at 7:00pm come and join us for a night of worship! This isn't a sit back and enjoy the show concert, it is a get involved, Worship the Lord, strengthen yourself in the Lord, prepare yourself in the Lord, March Forth kind of night! :) Sounds great, huh!

So, for Day 1 of March, here is my first verse:

1 John 5:4 
For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.

Learning lessons from little ones...

Isn't it amazing how much we can learn from children? Or from children's stories that we've heard a hundred times before? Do you know the story of the three little pigs? Remember, where they each go off on their own and build houses? If not, here is a little reminder:

Well, last week, Tyson was reading the kids this story and tucking them into bed, while I stayed downstairs trying to get Selah to sleep. I was listening to him read to them....we have a baby monitor set up so that we can hear the kids upstairs at night, in case anyone has a problem or bad dream or something...back to my story...so because I wasn't actually reading the book to the children, I had a chance to think about and reflect on the story again. I know the main point is about working hard and doing your best even if you don't really feel like it at the time because in the end it will pay off. The Holy Spirit was speaking to my quieted heart at that time though and I began to see this story in a different way. It reminded me of the parable of the wise man who built his house on the rock from Matthew 7:24-27. Perhaps you've thought the same thing before too, but I'll just keep going since this is my blog. ;)

When we build our lives, or rather hide our lives, in Christ, we need not fear the storms or the big bad wolf (Matthew 7:15). The Bible says that the Lord is like a strong tower and the righteous run to Him and are saved. Many, however, have their own ideas about how to build their homes (lives) they trust in the world or in their own vain and futile ideas. They end up with houses of straw or stick, which won't stand at all when the storms of life come or when the big bad wolf threatens.

We can all have that strong tower as our fortress? Which home are you running to? Which little pig are you? The big bad wolf may be out there trying to blow our house down, but we do not need to be afraid, the Lord can be our sure and strong foundation.

Childlike

Recently, I saw the second half of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. What a fun movie. I can't wait to read the book to the kids some day...so many good lessons to learn. Anyway, there was a line at the end of the movie that immediately caught my full attention. Charlie (the little boy- remember?) won the prize of inheriting the whole Chocolate Factory. Willy Wonka explained to him that he wasn't going to live forever and who would run the factory after he died? He couldn't get an adult to do it because they wouldn't listen to his directions. They would want to do things their own way. Of course! A child. He had to find a child to teach and train to run the factory... Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3


To have the faith of a child
To believe and trust as a child does
To humble ourselves and follow like children do
To love without reserve or prejudice
To rejoice with great joy...even about the same little gifts given over and over again


I know there's more I could say about this verse...if time weren't an issue...if it I had no other(s) calling right now.


Lord, soften the parts of this vessel that have dried out and hardened from time, from age, make me soft and supple to your Word again.


Note: I continue to memorize Colossians! I'm already in Week 3 and am remembering why many struggle when reading Paul's letters. :) But the Words are the breathe and very Word of God, so they will come...by faith. I'm also excited to be making progress in other goals...which I'll keep private for now.  If you have a minute click on the "button" (image) below and read this great post by Ann Voskamp.  It challenged and encouraged me greatly today!

Growth

I've gone back and forth about posting this bit. At first, I was sure that I was not going to post it because I wanted this to be a private step, not something that I boasted about to everyone. Then as I thought more, I realized this would be a good time for confession, and perhaps my confession would spur others on by God's grace to draw nearer to the Lord as well. So, here it is:

After reading a couple posts from a blog by Ann Voskamp about growing closer to the Lord through scripture memorization(this and this), I was challenged to join her and others in memorizing the book of Colossians in a Year. Two verses a week. This sounds attainable, right? Yet, I'm quite scared. I know a lot of scripture, but I never fully memorize it and usually forget the reference. Which could be ok if that were all you were mentally capable of; however, I began to realize that my reason for this is my laziness. One line that she wrote caught me:

"Who memorizes God in the age of google?"

This is a good question! That was always my excuse for not hiding the scriptures in my heart more diligently. Not that I haven't memorized anything. I have and we are even working with a great scripture memory system with the kids. However, I haven't done it with all my heart ...because of my laziness. I could always look up the verse I want somewhere, or I could just call my Dad. :)

So, I'm going to do it. I'm going to attempt it. And by God's grace, I'll attain it, and ascribe to Him all the glory due His name. (That's my other focus this year.)

What I Need

Sometimes what I need isn't really what I need.

 Did you get that?

For example, I think, "I need this baby to stop crying!" while God thinks, "You need this baby to cry so that you can learn my patience, so that you can better appreciate her joyful times, so that you can put yourself aside and think of someone else's needs for a change."

Sometimes, what I need, isn't really what I need!

Or I think, "I need to get this laundry done!", but God thinks, "You need your laundry machine to break so that you can learn my faithfulness, so that you can learn to stop in the middle of something and pay attention to what really matters most, so that you can grow to appreciate your laundry machine more."

Sometimes, what I need, isn't really what I need!

Our lives are filled with scenarios like this aren't they. I know I pray for there never to be any bumps in the road, any illnesses, any failures, any longings. What a blessing it is that God doesn't always answer MY prayers the way that I want Him to. He allows us to struggle, to fall, to be in want, to get sick, to fail for a reason. He allows these things because He loves us. He loves us enough to not leave us where we are, so He sends these trials our way to shape and mold us. 

"One of the devil's key strategies is to convince a Christian that God has no future for failures. The truth of the matter is, failure is sometimes the very experience that enables God to later use us and still get all the glory." -Jim White

We may not be able to come to a point where we welcome hardship with exuberant expectancy at what God is going to do. Maybe, though, if we keep these things in mind, we'll be able to have a little more peace while we wait for the trial to be over. God does have a plan. It is a good plan. He sees the forest in spite of the trees. Hang in there!

Lessons from Childhood

So recently Lucy had two loose teeth. She surprised herself and pulled one out Sunday morning. I tried to talk her into pulling out the other tooth that night because it too was dreadfully loose. She refused!

The next day during breakfast, she kept crying because every time she took a bite, her food would hit that loose tooth and make it painful. Tearful bite after tearful bite...we were quickly growing frustrated. We knew the best thing would be to just pull the tooth, but she kept refusing. Finally, we attempted one last time to calmly explain to her why we felt she should try to pull her tooth. At last, she conceded.

I led her to the bathroom and got some toilet paper for her to grasp it with. It came out with no effort at all. She looked into the paper with utter shock. Could it really have come out just like that? She couldn't believe it. Relief. We then enjoyed a wonderful breakfast together.

Why is it that we often refuse to turn from the sin that entangles us for fear of the pain it may cause? Christ has already won the victory for us. I know it isn't always as easy as pulling out a tooth that is ready to fall out by itself, but still, you see my point (I hope). I know in my life, there are sins that I cling too because I fear. There are so many things that are toxic to me and my family that I just won't let go. Lord, help me to trust you. Help me to walk in your victory and give you glory. Consecrate me. Make me wholly yours. It hurts to be shaped and molded, but this is what I want Lord. I want to glorify you.

Breakfast in Bed, Mary Cassatt

If this post is too long for you to read, just skip down and read the last paragraph. Sorry, I tried to not write too much because who has time to read long posts like this.  Just don't miss the quote at the bottom. :)  Heather

Frustration has set in. I know how a two year old feels when she wants something but doesn't have the words to express herself. I want to write. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head but have the hardest time getting them to flow correctly on "paper". Suddenly, however, I feel the desire to write growing, so I'm going to try. Perhaps this is the moment of inspiration.

Where to begin? Too many choices. I'll just begin with this thought and hope it makes sense.

Recently, I heard a pastor on the radio speaking basically about being "intentional" when it comes to turning from our sins. I don't remember who he was or everything he said, but what I do remember was how he explained that we make lists and plans for so many things like going to the grocery store, ordering product online, gift purchases, daily tasks, etc. I am a list maker myself, so this caught my attention. We make lists and plan out our steps for these "trivial" things, however, when it comes to something big, like trying to change a bad habit or a sin of ours, we often don't think about it beyond the small superficial prayer that we offer up. This of course isn't always true, but often it is. I know this is true for me in many areas of my life. Let me go further.

After I had Mayme, about 6 months after I had her, I found myself, well, I suppose you could say in a state of depression almost. I don't know what technically qualifies for depression, but I certainly was struggling. I would have sudden outbursts of anger toward my children and even towards Tyson. I had a VERY hard time controlling myself. These times came in waves I began to see with my hormones fluctuating. I knew that something needed to change or I was going to become destructive. I seriously was going to call my doctor and ask for medication to help control these waves I was feeling. I understood completely how and why that medication is necessary at times for certain people and looked on them in a new light of understanding and sympathy. Sometimes, that kind of help IS necessary. After praying more in that moment of frustration while I sat on our stairway trying to calm myself down, I felt the Lord nudging me and telling me to try to exercise first. Part of the reason I was so frustrated was because I hadn't lost any weight since my two week check-up. I also knew that exercising can have a big impact on your overall well being...emotions, hormones, etc. So, probably the next day, I started working out and determined to stick with it. It helped tremendously! I immediately began to feel better and little by little things came under control.

Needless to say, with Selah's arrival I've been waiting for this to return and determined to NOT let it take over as it did before. I've been watching and praying and hoping and wishing and purposing in my heart. While, I'm not anywhere close to where I was before, I have been having some problems. I think though this time it is more normal. I have only been able to gently exercise randomly. That will come with time I know.

Last week though I noticed more struggles surfacing. I don't want you to think that I yell at my kids all the time in private because I know rarely do you hear me yell in public, and if I did you would argue with me and say it isn't yelling (because I'm pretty sure I used to tell my mom that that tone of voice I was speaking with wasn't yelling. :-). Anyway, the anger and frustration behind it, in my eyes, makes it yelling. I have this struggle that most moms have, I think, where we don't address the "issue" properly when it should be addressed. We try all these quick fixes or just ignore it completely because either we are busy or lazy or selfishly don't want to stop what we are doing to take care of things. Yes, this happens to me too. Then my frustration and anger are allowed to build and build until I can't take it any more. Then, most of the time, I don't handle the situation correctly. Some of the time I do though and the results are glorious.

Yesterday, I sat down to create my list, my plan for tackling this problem. Not as easy as it sounds. I know that changing these attitudes and wrong behaviors that have been established in us over time, isn't always as easy as flipping on a switch. It also isn't something that we can do by ourselves. Anyway, I attempted to write down what I was struggling with and the consequences that action produced. Then, I tried to start finding some helpful verses for my struggle, hoping that as I prayerfully did this the Lord would lead me to some revelation. Time interrupted, time to stop, time to shower and get on with the "schedule", so I put my things away and moved on eagerly awaiting more study time tomorrow (which is today).

The morning began and after all that time thinking about my struggle, what did I do, but fall headfirst into it again! I failed miserably. Of course I knew I would still struggle and fail. I have a goal though that I'm running towards. I share this all partly for accountability, partly to gain your prayers, partly to encourage others struggling with the same things. We are not alone. We have a great high priest who understands our weaknesses, that we are but dust, and who intercedes for us. Think about that! Jesus at this very moment is praying to God the Father on your behalf! Wow! I don't think about that enough. I think that may be one reason we struggle so much: we are so busy thinking about our BIG problems that we make God so SMALL. It should be the other way around. When we make God BIG (or really just attempt to see Him as He really is) our problems become so SMALL. Things get put into proper focus. Our worship is directed towards God and not our issues. We become people of praise and thanksgiving rather than...the opposite.

That is who I want to be. That is what I want to do. I failed, but I'm getting back up and trying again. One thing I'm learning is how to fail and get up again. We often feel hopeless when we fail, but really failing can be a blessing in disguise. In the same way, being caught in sin is a blessing because it gives us an opportunity to repent and know God's grace. I read this last night in the book that I'm currently reading, "Jim White wrote recently, 'One of the devil's key strategies is to convince a Christian that God has no future for failures. The truth of the matter is, failure is sometimes the very experience that enables God to later use us and still get all the glory.' Properly viewed, weakness can be wonderful."

Despair Part 2 : HOPE

When I wrote the first part of this post on Despair, I mentioned that Andrew Peterson in a live web concert was setting up a song about hope when he said,

"When we despair, we are assuming that 

we know how the end will go."

I don't remember which song on his new album he was referring to when he said that. However, Tyson and I finally had a chance to really sit down (in the car) and listen to the lyrics of this amazing lyricist. Wow! I just had to share the lyrics to this song, "In the Night My Hope Lives On" because it echoed so clearly what I was trying to say in my post and what he said in the quote above. 


When we despair, we need to remember God's promises, His greatness. Remembering Him is the key to finding hope and leaving that pit of despair. 

Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Andrew Peterson

In the Night My Hope Lives On

I am weary with the pain of Jacob's wrestling 
In the darkness with the Fear, in the darkness with the Fear 
But he met the morning wounded with a blessing 
So in the night my hope lives on 

When Elisha woke surrounded by the forces 
Of the enemies of God, the enemies of God 
He saw the hills aflame with angels on their horses 
So in the night my hope lives on 

I see the slave that toils beneath the yoke unyielding 
And I can hear the captive groan, hear the captive groan 
For some hand to stay the whip his foe is wielding 
Still in the night my hope lives on 

I see the armies of the enemy approaching 
And the people driven, trembling, to the shore 
But a doorway through the waters now is opening 
So in the night my hope lives on 


Oh in the night, oh in the night, 
oh in the night, My hope lives on.

Like the son who thought he'd gone beyond forgiveness, 
Too ashamed to lift his head--but if he could lift his head 
He would see his father running from a distance 
In the night my hope lives on 

I can see the crowd of men retreating 
As he stands between the woman and their stones 
And if mercy in his holy heart is beating 
Then in the night my hope lives on 

I remember how they scorned the son of Mary 
He was gentle as a lamb, gentle as a lamb 
He was beaten, he was crucified, and buried 
And in the night, my hope was gone 

But the rulers of this earth could not control Him 
No, they did not take his life--he laid it down 
All the chains of earth could never hope to hold him 
So in the night my hope lives on

And I can see the Son of Man ascending
And the sword He swings is brighter than the dawn 
And the gates of Hell will never stand against Him
So in the night, my hopes lives on
Oh in the night, oh in the night, 
Oh in the night, my hope lives on

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/in-the-night-my-hope-lives-on-lyrics-andrew-peterson.html ]